Transitions

Transitions.

Here it is the Fall and I am definitely feeling that I am transitioning.

Just like the woods around me I feel the rumblings of change. I am glad that I live in a part of the world where we have four distinct seasons. However, this means there is always loss, as well as gain, as we move from one season to the next. It is also a reminder of the passage of time. As a parent the passage of time is always visible as new shoes and clothes have to be bought to accommodate growing bodies.

Everywhere I look I see growth and decay. It is beautiful, and sad, but necessary. Change is part of life, I know that but that doesn't mean that transitions are easy. I see the beauty in the decay, how can we not? Doesn't mean that I don't feel confused by it. It is easier to identify natures transitions, much harder to have clarity when the transitions are personal.

I do know that I feel grateful, for the branch not dropping on my head as I sat peacefully gazing off into the woods. I know that I did not sit as peacefully in the woods this year as I did last. What accounts for that?

Transition.

Last summer I was not in transition. I was doing all the same things that I had been doing for years. Although our haven in the woods was new and our exploration of this particular region was too. My inner view was much as it had always been. I hadn't yet expressed my yearning for a creative outlet. That took hold after the seasons changes, in the deep winter. It had been rumbling for a long time. I had made attempts to express it but had not been successful. Until now.

Of course the biggest transition for me is entering cyberspace again. I had been off this grid for about three years. I found having a family and busy private practice all I could handle. When I left work I needed to shut down and focus on my family. As my kids have gotten older and more independent I have felt able to reenter this virtual world. And I am thrilled to be back, in a way I couldn't have imagined. I never knew that I would be able to combine my need for creative expression with the ideas that I have been developing during my therapeutic work. It is a gift to work with people as I do and I am so grateful to be able to take what I have learned and extend it. I am still in transition and am trying to remember to enjoy this stage of my growth process. I am trying to quieten my feelings of loss, leaving my comfort zone, and remind myself of the gain. I have to repeatedly tell myself that learning stems from both.